To: All Summoned

[itookashot]

This is the most important question I've had since coming here. I need to get opinions from the rest of you, for science.

Why are all of the Summoned attractive? I have not met a single ugly Summoned and while I do love looking at your gorgeous faces, it seems unusual. Is there an attractiveness requirement? Do they take that into consideration when plucking us out of our universes? Could there be deeper reasons or do they think 'well if they don't help us out, at least they up the beauty curve of our world from a four to a seven'?

I mean, that's what I would do, but I'm interested in other thoughts. Please do not respond to this with false modesty; I know you're pretty, you know you're pretty, this is serious. Unless one of you truly thinks you are unattractive in which case show me a picture if you can and I'll tell you why you're wrong.

Comments

[princessvegas]

We can't send pictures through this. But have you seen Four Arms McFuckFace? You look at that monstrosity and tell me it ain't a mistake that only a mother can love.

[itookashot]

Oh I have no idea what this thing does, I'm used to letters. Draw a portrait of yourself and pigeon it to Free Cities.

I'm sorry but did you say someone with FOUR ARMS couldn't be attractive? FOUR ARMS, Julie.

[a_better_man]

Well if you want fancy pets, you don't take the hound with mange and no teeth! You take the one with the shiny coat and clear eyes.

[itookashot]

Exactly why I would do it this way, but I'm shallow. Are they shallow too? I might like them better.

anonymous; to: everyone

[endcaller]

[The overly flowery cursive of the anonymous story teller appears. At least this time it doesn't come in spaced out clumps of text.]

Thank you for complimenting my prison of flesh.

[itookashot]

[ Oh he recognizes that! ]

Happy to, Emperor Reeks. I'm just speaking the truth.

[supersoldier]

[The text muddies up his vision during an extended training session at the barracks, and he'd be more forgiving of this if the subject matter in question wasn’t so superfluous. The reply comes delayed; Sephiroth’s mental handwriting is straight-lined and boldly legible.]

When are you coming to train?

[ignores the whole point of this post]

[itookashot]

[ He's a little disappointed this pretty boy didn't reply to that but WHATEVER. ]

Are you still at the barracks?

[techmaturgy]

Correlation is not causation. I'm willing to bet that your sample size is too small.

[itookashot]

That's why I'm putting it out to everyone. I have already been told there's one ugly person I didn't know about! Added to my research group.

[funbreaker]

[ While Thancred has done some experimenting with this communication system in a more direct way by exchanging messages with Himeka, this is the first time that a missive that has apparently been sent to all of them has caught his interest. (That drivel from some anonymous person who clearly only wanted to get a rise out of people, he ignored.)

This, however, seems like something well worth discussing. Thancred will not argue he isn't pretty, and Jesper (yes, the one from the baths, this all checks out) makes a point. ]

You make a compelling argument. I worked with a rather attractive group of people back home as well, so I will admit that it didn't stand out to me until you brought it up.

I suppose if you're going to go to the effort of summoning a group of people from across the universe, they may as well be easy on the eyes.

[itookashot]

In truth, I think we all know attractive people are treated better by strangers. The people here may be subtly inclined toward paying attention to us thanks to a flashy smile and pretty eyes. I am certain that smile of yours gets you many places someone plain wouldn't.

[cointosser]

If one bears in mind that this pattern of summoning unwilling participants began at High Mage Ambrose's behest, the pattern of only the comely being summoned suits. I mean, he isn't ugly, per se, but he's.... he's old.

You know how old, lonely men can be.

[No, it is not relevant that Jaskier is also in his 40's.]

[itookashot]

How old? Like forty?

Marlo is the one who greeted us in Free Cities though, and she's very attractive, in my opinion. I don't think she's creeping.

[rinwell]

I'm not sure I understand why this is relevant to our situation.

[itookashot]

We don't know what is or isn't relevant at this point.

[aquaveiled]

мү мσтнεя ∂ι∂ тεαcн мε нσω тσ тαкε gσσ∂ cαяε σғ мү scαℓεs! ιт's α sнαмε ησт εvεяүσηε cαη εηנσү тнαт тнσυgн.

[ Having scales is definitely preferable to NOT having scales. ]

вυт үσυ'яε яιgнт, ησω тнαт ι тнιηк αвσυт ιт. sтяαηgεя тнιηgs нαvε вεεη α ρяεяερυιsιтε.

[itookashot]

Oh are you a dragon person too? A pretty dragon person.

[yeshou]

Ah, that does sound right, but how do you know for certain this is true of all of us?
After all, we have to account for a variety of tastes. They can't all be good.

[itookashot]

I have met eighteen so far (including myself) and they're all beautiful, but I'm going to do a scientific study and try to meet every one of you to prove my theory.

[lackingtalent]

𝒲𝑒𝓁𝓁. 𝐼 𝓈𝓊𝓅𝓅𝑜𝓈𝑒 𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓌𝒻𝓊𝓁 𝓁𝑜𝓉 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒹𝑒𝓅𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒, 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝓃𝑜𝓉?

𝐼 𝒾𝓂𝒶𝑔𝒾𝓃𝑒 𝒶 𝓁𝑜𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝒽𝓎𝓈𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓁 𝓉𝓇𝒶𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒹𝑒𝑒𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒶𝓉𝓉𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝓈𝑜𝓃 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃 𝓃𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝑜𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓈𝑒- 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝑒𝒶𝓇 𝓊𝓃𝓈𝑒𝑒𝓂𝓁𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇.

[itookashot]

Sorry, I disagree. I think there are certain aesthetic details that make people objectively hot.

[frontlinetitties]

7? excuse you, I'm at least an 11. Although I guess some of the others might be bringing the mean down a little.

You do have a point, I can't say I've noticed anyone particularly ugly. It's not like I've met everyone though. There's gotta be some unfortunate bastards among us, right??

[itookashot]

Obviously some of us are 11s but that's why we're bringing the current city attractiveness curve up.

Apparently there is one dragon guy who is ugly but it seems to be more because of his personality.

[chosenfordarkness]

Well, that's not a theory I've heard before. 'Come save us and if you can't, at least you're pretty'.

[itookashot]

To be fair, it's exactly what I would do.

[shadowthief]

Saints, Jesper. Your ridiculousness knows no bounds.

[itookashot]

[ Laughing. ]

It's a very important theory! The people need to know!