open: everyone;

[emulsions]

[ This is the first time he's really doing this shit on this mind-imposed social network, so bear with him. ]

I'm a shitty judge of timing, so maybe this isn't...a good time, but—

I've got this batch of Twinkies. If you've never seen one, it's a 4-inch traditional sponge cake with a cream filling. Vanilla only. They're as close to store-bought as you're gonna get in this place.

If you've got a hankering for processed junk from home, I'll be at the Nocwich square handing them out whenever the doors open again.

...

Okay, that's all, thank you.

(( ooc: threadjacking welcome; if you reply, you can assume your character got a twinkie. feel free to spontaneously make other food requests. ))

Comments

[punctually]

[ hELLO ]

can i take the whole batch

[emulsions]

[ How'd he know you were gonna be the first one here. ]

No go, Pete. Sorry.
Give me, like, another week, I'll make you a personal batch.

[satanicpanics]

holy shit
yes ???
i swear, dude, you're heaven-sent or something
you just answered a prayer i've been putting out for two years

can you do cereal
like the really shitty kind

[emulsions]

[ Guess the snack situation's pretty dire around here. ]

You're gonna have to be more specific, man.

[infiniteban]

Oh man I'd fucking love a Twinkie! I'd even give up what little gold I have for some, but how's about trade? You want a little something-something extra? First real test of my version Abraxas weenut butter.

Okay well it's not weed it's some wackadoodle herbs from the commune and it's not peanut butter it's some shmancy smooth ass hazelnut butter.

But point is it should still get the trick done.





Probably.

[emulsions]

[ If he hasn't seen Jerry's scrawl before and/or if this magic handwriting thing didn't come with a signature, he'd swear he was talking to Jerry. This is not Jerry, though.

Shit, there's two of them? ]

You know what, don't sweat it, there's no cost.

[ ...

His curiosity's getting the better of him and he'll regret asking. ]

Do I wanna know why you're putting weed in hazelnut butter?

lmk if this was not ok for threadjacking, I can delete!

[tedandroses]

Wait you’re making Nutella but edibles?
…if you need any volunteer testers hit me up please

[mathmetism]

travioli
i can't belive im hearing this second hand through carmy's food blog
you would produce sweet tree butterjuana and not even think to mention it to me, that dude who adopted that dog who got replaced by that knife-handed goo monster who smoothied your face
has our whirlwind bromance meant nothing to you??

[thoughts]

[ !!! ]

an ancient relic from earth-that-was. it's too bad the pizza man isn't here anymore, this would probably make him very happy.

[emulsions]

Okay, please don't take this the wrong way, but
I'm not gonna ask you what the hell happened to the earth.
I don't think I'm ready for that.

But, uh, tell me more about the pizza man?

[ushiri]

Could you make the cheap kind of nachos and "cheese".

[emulsions]

Tortilla chips, absolutely.
The shitty cheese...might take some R&D.

[nomnoms]

NOM NOMS OK
:)

[ HE COMING FOR THOSE NOM NOMS NEXT MONTH ]

[emulsions]

Uh
Yeah, sure. Come on over, buddy.

[ He's so not prepared to meet a fucking shark, please help him. ]

[monomachy]

I would be interested in trying one of these Twinkies. I've never heard of such a thing.

[emulsions]

[ Oh, it's her. The tremendously beautiful woman he embarrassed himself in front of as a first impression, an incident that definitely does not spontaneously haunt his ass at 3 in the morning when he's trying to sleep. ]

Yeah, of course.
I'll put one aside for you.

Just, don't expect anything mind-blowing.
They're sort of a nostalgia thing more than gourmet.

[tedandroses]

I think Not The Time is the best time to offer junk food, personally, definitely save me one.

[They’re not that crazy about Twinkies at home really, but without having had the option? Hell yeah. Plus home made is undoubtedly better.]

You don’t, uh, have any familiarity with the art of the fried (hand)pie, do you? Or pepperoni rolls?

[emulsions]

Yeah, you're probably right.

I'll have to work with what's in season, but
we've got a shitload of apples lying around.

[carmesi]

I hope you realize you opened a door that can never be closed again.

[emulsions]

Yeah, I'm getting that.
You want me to save you one?

[ She's a friend, she gets privileges (the privilege of a reserved Twinkie, specifically.) ]

[funbreaker]

[ Thancred is just squinting at so many of these comments. There are a whole host of terms he's never heard before.

Ultimately, curiosity wins out over his better judgment. ]

A sponge cake with cream filling sounds normal enough. Why are you referring to it as "processed junk"? What does that even mean?

[emulsions]

[ Shit, where does he begin? ]

It's just pure sugar and the cheapest, shittiest ingredients you can find pumped out of a giant factory by the millions.

I couldn't replicate that if I tried, but mine's pretty close to the real thing.

[ He's a chef, not a chemist so the unique flavor of a thousand fucking preservatives is beyond him. He did, however, use lard instead of buttercream for that special touch of low cost shelf-stable vanilla filling. ]

[divinityfrompain]

Oh my god are you kidding me? That is so exciting! Do you like apples? I live in an orchard, I can bring you a whole lot of them.

[emulsions]

Yeah?
I can take some apples off your hands.

Hey, this isn't gonna be, like, an illegal apple trade or anything?

[ Look, he's new to the situation (the situation being an active war on the goddamn doorstep), he doesn't wanna get fined (fired? arrested?) for illicit apple dealing. ]

[aquaveiled]

This sounds lovely! Unless there's some sort of secret ingredient that makes it junk? Is the point to guess it? If so, then don't tell me.

[emulsions]

It's not but if you wanna guess, knock yourself out.

[wiedzminka]

Only a fool would turn down free cake.

Well.

Unless you're charging for it.

[emulsions]

No, no charge.
If you miss this round, I'll have more next time or...something else.
Pantry's hit or miss these days.

always open to threadjacking;

[righteously]

Hey man
Just to go ahead and put it out there, I'll level with you
I'm about to get a little intense, and I'm sorry

but

I've been here
three
friggin
years

Please, for the love of god, save me a Twinkie
I would do just
horrible, horrible things for a Twinkie
you don't understand
horrible things

horrible

[emulsions]

Yeah, I'm starting to get that vibe from a lot of people.

I've got you covered, man.

[sunnygoose]

Oh, these sound amazing! I haven't heard of them, but the description sounds pretty close to a Fancy Lad snack cake... you know, "A big delight in every bite!" One of the few processed, prepackaged foods that survived the fallout!

I'd love to try one. Artificial vanilla flavouring additive is one of my favorite flavours!

[emulsions]

[ The fallout? Someone's already told him the earth got wasted by their time, he's not gonna ask. He's going to blaze right on past that insane factoid she just dropped. ]

I hate to break it to you but if you're jonesing for the artificial shit,
this is real vanilla bean.

[ That he scraped out by hand. ]

[thearchangel]

Twinkie?

That's actually a food? A real thing? And not a joke?

[emulsions]

That's what they called it, yeah.

[inferiority_complex]

You made twinkies? How the hell did you make twinkies? Or did you like magic them up or something?

Do they taste any different without all the preservatives?

[emulsions]

No, there's no magic here, I baked them.

The cake'll be more moist, softer.
It's not gonna sit on a shelf forever, so I'd eat it within a day.

[ordinar]

[Help. He misread twinkies as...something else...and now he has to go bury himself in a hole and die.]

Twinkies?

Is that like an American thing?

[emulsions]

[ Sorry, Willie, there are none of those baking in his oven. ]

Pretty sure you don't get more American than those things.

[sophos]

Can I have two? One for me, one for someone else. He doesn't read this network much.
Also, I know you're probably getting bombarded with these - but can you make milkshakes?

[emulsions]

I can do that.

Milkshakes, not really. We don't have the right equipment.

[mathmetism]

thats confectionary black magic
youre a fucking wizard
i would like a pre-diabetes amount please
can you do those lil debbie cakes with the zebra stripes next?

[emulsions]

I could do you two or three.

I'll need chocolate for the stripes.
I'm afraid to ask if you have a source, but...I'm asking.