open: everyone;

[emulsions]

[ This is the first time he's really doing this shit on this mind-imposed social network, so bear with him. ]

I'm a shitty judge of timing, so maybe this isn't...a good time, but—

I've got this batch of Twinkies. If you've never seen one, it's a 4-inch traditional sponge cake with a cream filling. Vanilla only. They're as close to store-bought as you're gonna get in this place.

If you've got a hankering for processed junk from home, I'll be at the Nocwich square handing them out whenever the doors open again.

...

Okay, that's all, thank you.

(( ooc: threadjacking welcome; if you reply, you can assume your character got a twinkie. feel free to spontaneously make other food requests. ))

Comments

[righteously]

( Oh, Carmy. Sweet, sweet Carmy. You know not what you have done. )

Tell me if any of this is doable:
bacon cheeseburgers
donuts
donuts ON bacon cheeseburgers
the elvis burger, which is totally different
chicken wings
jalapeño poppers
onion rings
beer battered deep-fried literally anything
french fries, tater tots, wedges, curly fries, steak fries, shoestring fries, home fries, potato chips, anything you can squeeze out of a potato and stuff with enough cholesterol to kill a full grown bull

pie
just
pie
whatever pie you're thinking of, the answer's yes.

[emulsions]

[ Starting to reflect hard on Wanda saying he opened a major fucking door. ]

Okay, hold please.

Before you keep going, describe the Elvis burger to me.

[righteously]

What, seriously? You don't know the Elvis burger?

Man, I'm about to change your life. It goes like this:

glazed donut
peanut butter
banana
bacon
cheese
burger
glazed donut

heaven.

[emulsions]

They didn't cover it at the culinary institute.

[ Heaven sounds about right. Heaven after a clogged artery. He's not judging, though. Carmy's a big believer in eat how you want except when you're in his restaurant and then you eat what's on his menu and stop asking for a hundred fucking substitutes.

Anyway. ]

Alright —

1. No jalapeños, sorry.
2. I can make everything else work.

When you pick up your Twinkie, I'll see what else I've got for you.

[righteously]

Sounds like they got some holes in their curriculum.

( some donut holes, specifically.
but he won't get hung up on that, not when there's actual good friggin news around here for a change. )

I love you. You complete me.

( -Jerry Maguire )

[divinityfrompain]

You're just making that up.

[righteously]

I'm not, I swear
Scout's honor
It's a real thing

[divinityfrompain]

How do you even get your mouth around that?

[righteously]

You'd be amazed what I can get my mouth around.

[divinityfrompain]

Rimshot.

[sunnygoose]

Holy moly, that sounds incredible! You have all of that readily available where you come from? That's a lot to go into one sandwich! Though I guess it's an American classic for a reason.

It sounds like the "king" of burgers! Not that I have anything to compare it to.

[Unfortunately, that's the extent of her ability to joke.]

[righteously]

You ain't wrong, sister. It's the king for a reason. Sure was a time to be alive on Earth.

I take it burgers weren't easy fixins back in your hometown?

[sunnygoose]

Oh, I don't think we're related. I'm pretty sure I would know if I had another brother!

Well, in my vault, our main crops were corn and tatos. We had no livestock. There was a lot of Cram, though. I've never had one before, but I've seen illustrated pictures in books! Or it might have been some sort of menu. I haven't been to what you'd call a restaurant, either.

[righteously]

No, no, it's uh
It's a figure of speech
You know, like
buddy
pal
amigo
friend
sister
that kinda thing

I'm sorry, did you say "vault"?

[sunnygoose]

O-oh, right! Like a friendly thing? Well, then thank you for explaining, "brother"!

Well, technically I wrote it quite visually with my mind, but yes. I'm from Vault 31, to be exact! Do you know about the vaults? Every time I bring them up, people seem to get very uncomfortable.

[It might be because of that whole "almost complete nuclear annihilation" thing, but when vault life is all your life has been... it's less concerning.]

[righteously]

Now you're gettin' it!

But uh, no, can't say I'm familiar with the vault situation. You wanna give me a quick rundown on what that's all about? Catch me up to speed?

( he is absolutely not expecting the answer to be "nuclear annihilation" here. )

[sunnygoose]

[Oh boy, he's in for a doozy.]

Ah, well, that's okay. I guess I'm still getting used to it, it's like -- wow, I only knew people were even alive on the surface for a few weeks after coming here, now no one's even heard of the vaults or the Great War! It's crazy.

Er -- well, amigo, [nailed it,] you know about the United States, right? From -- from Earth? [She's still trying to be very open minded about the whole multi-world theory thing.] I've lived in a Vault-Tec Vault™ my whole life there. Er, except for the two weeks before I was brought here. We were... the plan was to survive and thrive in the vaults while we worked on raising the next generation of leaders to repopulate the country on Reclamation Day, but there were still people on the surface, so I'm not really sure what we would --

[She pauses here with some frustration. She still doesn't have answers for that, so she moves on.]

Anyway, the vaults are underground shelters, with self-sustaining systems with specifications carefully designed to support life enough to thrive for several hundred years. Obviously built to withstand complete nuclear annihilation. I mean, everyone knows what the Great War did to the planet in 2077. I mean -- except everyone here, I guess. I shouldn't assume.

Sorry -- this is the part where people start to get uncomfortable.

[carmesi]

We know he's open to requests but isn't this a lot?
You should consider giving him something in return.

( bark bark, but also: are you okay, dean )

[righteously]

I wasn't asking for the whole list. No one man is powerful enough to down all that in one go, not even me. I just wanted to know if anything on it was doable.

I already got a few things lined up to bring him, but good lookin out.

Don't worry, ma'am. I'm not an ungrateful jackass just out here taking advantage of people, trust me.

( but also: no, he isn't, and the only thing that eases his eternal depression is deep-frying stuff. )

[carmesi]

I wasn't saying you were. I was just making sure.
Besides, that's a lot of fried food.

[righteously]

If fried food's what takes me out, I consider that a win.

[carmesi]

( what a weird thing to say. )

Is it really worth the indigestion, though?

[righteously]

Hands down, for sure, yeah.
Bonus perks of having an angel boyfriend though, dude can zap out the heartburn.

[carmesi]

( could michael do that?? )

Then you really aren't willing to put up with the consequences of eating that kind of food.

( it's cheating, dean.

whatever. )

Do they not have pie in The Cities?

[righteously]

Has anyone ever told you you have judgey energy?