to: all, with apologies to nico di angelo

[areou]

( the message is deliberately written in ancient greek. for most summoned, the network will auto-translate, but she's hoping there might be others who recognize the original text. )

WILL SOLACE COME RETRIEVE YOUR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT GOTH I'M NOT HIS BABYSITTER

( helpfully, she adds an illustration that no one asked for: )



( then, because nico seriously needs more friends and it's her duty as former head counselor of the ares cabin to embarrass any and all younger campers: )

↖  BTW THIS IS NICO
HE LOVES LONG WALKS THROUGH THE UNDERWORLD AND BROODING IN GRAVEYARDS
HE'S SPOKEN FOR BUT I'M SURE HE'LL BE THE AFTERLIFE OF YOUR NEXT PARTY
CHALLENGE HIM TO A GAME OF MYTHOMAGIC TODAY!!!

ALSO IF ANYONE OUT THERE HAS SEEN THESE DEMIGODS CONTACT ME ASAP
LOOKS LIKE ZEUS IS SUPER FUCKING PISSED AGAIN AND WE NEED A GAMEPLAN

( more shitty doodles follow, this time vaguely resembling percy and annabeth, although this time she labels them: )



— CLARISSE LA RUE, DRAKON-SLAYER, DAUGHTER OF ARES

( she figures she may as well cover all her bases here since all of this feels like a ren faire on steroids anyway.

ooc | threadjacking is more than welcome and, frankly, encouraged. let's all go hog boar wild. 🫡 )

Comments

[ordinar]

The last time I came in contact with a god, my skin started growing a weird fungus and I went totally insane.

So...as long as your dad doesn't do anything like that, it's cool.

[divasmio]

I won't, I promise :)

That sounds more like my brother Dionysus' area, anyway.

[sonofacesius]

Dad!

He's not wrong though. That's totally Mr. D's area.

[That and wine and partying. Judging from their last meet up Wille, you had that part down.]

....Dad. meet Wilhelm. He's over in Thorne. He helped me out when I spent too much time in Nocwich. It's this place without sunlight.

Thanks for that by the way. Needing to photosynthesize or whatever. Real cool.

[ordinar]

[Let's not talk about that night...]

Dionysus...

Which one is he again?

[sonofacesius]

[Will was most definitely not going to let you forget that night Wilhelm, it was beautiful. Hilarious. Nonstop fun.]

The god of wine and madness. He's uh.....

[How did one describe Mr. D? The god defied description]

Well, he's currently sober. And not that much fun. He sort of went after one of Zeus' off limit nymphs and is now in charge of us demigods back home. Wine is a no go for the next.....you know, I honestly don't remember how many years he has left. 50? 60? Either way he's stuck with us and his diet coke. Imagine a forcibly sober alcoholic god.

[ordinar]

RIP.

What do you mean he's in charge of you?

[sonofacesius]

Well at Camp we have Chiron, he's the Activities Director. But we also have Mr. D. Dionysus. He's the Camp Director, like. In charge.

Almost never calls anyone by their actual name, perpetual bad mood, threatens immolation constantly. I kind of miss it.

[ordinar]

Wait, there's a whole camp of you guys?

[That's right, hadn't Will said he has a lot of siblings? Had — he'd lost some too. Wilhelm's memory of their conversation at the vampire party is a little spotty thanks to all the wine he'd soaked in that night.]

[sonofacesius]

Think of how many gods there are in the greek pantheon. Not just the Olympians, but all the other gods and goddesses. Most of them can't keep their pants on, right? Think about how many children they have.

So. Yeah, there's an entire camp of us. Some, like me, stay year round. Others only for the summer and head back to the regular world for school.

[If it seemed like Will wasn't mentioning any other adults besides Chiron and Mr. D? Well that was because there weren't any.]

[ordinar]

Oh yeah. You'd think they would've figured out how to use a condom eventually.

Not that I'm not happy you're here. But like, come on.

[sonofacesius]

Seriously. Although given that Athena once got knocked up by a handkerchief I'm pretty sure these things don't go by conventional means.

Remind me sometime to tell you about my sister.

[ordinar]

Do I want to know?

Take that times two.

[sonofacesius]

I mean, I didn't but since I do, you get too as well. Congratulations.

So. I'm pretty sure godly conception doesn't always go the normal routes. There's a bunch of stories, not sure which ones you've heard. Most of them are weird. The one I was referencing though? Hephaestus tried to get....a little too friendly with Athena. It clearly didn't go the way he wanted but uh...some stuff? got on her thigh. She wiped it away with a piece of cloth or..you know, handkerchief. And woo hoo. Baby.

Then there's the story of Orion's conception, who was supposably born from a buried hide a couple gods peed on. Am I now nervous everyone I go to the bathroom? Yes.

And my sister. Dad got knocked up. Yup. Apollo can apparently do that.

I could go on if you'd like. I got a million more.

[Picture Will smiling oh so happily to pass on this traumatizing information on to someone else.]

[ordinar]

What the fuck?

Can I go back to when I didn't know any of that?

[sonofacesius]

You and me both Wilhelm!

Point is uh, condoms don't always work.

Hey, even with humans!

[ordinar]

Thanks for the lesson.

I'm pretty sure I'm safe though.

[From getting anyone pregnant. If you catch his drift.]

[sonofacesius]

Anytime! I'm happy to continue to tell you all the things you'd rather not know.

And yeah, you're probably safe. Just as long as you don't date anyone from the mythos side of things.

[ordinar]

Oh. Hi.

Thanks for not turning me into mushroom fodder.

[divasmio]

Any time! Less work for me.

Thank you for saving my son when he was cut off from sunlight.

[ordinar]

No problem. Just took a little sugar, that's all.

He's already gotten me back.

[divasmio]

[ Oh, Apollo hopes he means sucrose. Surely he does. Kids these days don't say "Give me some sugar" when asking for affection, right? It would be a terrible shame if Will was cheating on Nico. Especially if this is the way Apollo finds out. ]

Interesting! Just needed to raise his blood sugar?

[ordinar]

[Jesus, he'd be mortified if he knew what Apollo was thinking. Nobody says shit like that anymore.]

Yeah, so I guess it's like store bought energy.