@everyone

[restingstitchface]

Aurelius once wrote, "If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."

My fundamental concern about this wisdom is that it fails to spot the physical root of trauma. People who cannot snap out of their distress also deserve compassion and treatment.

My apologies for the intrusion. Locals informed me about the recent chaos and I found myself concerned and a little hesitant about reaching out. Back home I treat those who approach me for support with their mental health. I had excellent resources there but here I can offer nothing but a listening ear.

I understand some of you might be feeling exposed, stressed and intimidated. To you I offer my own wisdom. If you worry about what lies ahead, you will be the only one who suffers in the end.

To all else, kind regards for listening.

Oh. Reading, isn’t it? This system is entirely new to me. What a brave new world this place is.

Comments

[restingstitchface]

You're a soldier yourself, then?

[He could be police. But given he asked about soldiers...]

[communish]

I used to be. These days, I sort of [...] freelance.

[restingstitchface]

Well, if the resources are lacking... I suppose you would have to, wouldn't you?

[communish]

I mean, I was lucky. I had people waiting for me when I got back. Would've helped if I'd let them.

[restingstitchface]

Everybody struggles to accept help. Elderly veterans reliving trauma, young adults struggling with feelings of inferiority, children who cannot trust their peers. It seems you possess some amount of insight, at least. That's impressive.

[communish]

Probably helped that I had a therapist back home.

[ at times it was a court-ordered therapist, but that still counts, right? ]

He wasn't a soldier, but he did a lot of work with other capes. Knows what we're like.

[restingstitchface]

Capes?

[His bat senses are tingling!]

[communish]

You know. Super heroes, super soldiers, costumed vigilantes, semi-benevolent mercenaries. Capes.

[restingstitchface]

[Vigilantes. Batman is a vigilante. Okay, now he's got it.]

Oh. Like the comics? I can get behind that.

[Comics. That is the only way this all makes sense.]

[communish]

[ he cringes inwardly, hoping that Crane isn't referring to his wartime propaganda ]

I wouldn't say it was much like the comics. Truth is, we only punched Hitler on special occasions.

[restingstitchface]

Well. That is certainly nothing I've heard before. I can only imagine it felt incredibly rewarding.

[Really. What the hell is your world, Bucky?]

[communish]

Yeah. I mean, killing him felt better, but by the nature of it, you usually only get to do it the once.

I'm sure you can imagine why civilian life was an adjustment.

[ This is as not weird as things get, Crane. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. ]

[restingstitchface]

I can sure imagine why it might prove boring. The lack of rules and routine can steal one's life of, well, life. Not to mention it might feel like you're speaking a whole other language.

[communish]

I got a friend who used to work at the VA. Heard the same story a lot, about people coming back who just didn't know how to live once they got out. More than a few who ended up signing on with Hydra and such. Just wanting someone to tell them what to do again.

Seems like giving freedom to someone who's never experienced it and then leaving them to figure shit out on their own is really just giving them enough rope to hang themselves.

[restingstitchface]

[Hydra. He denotes the word in his journal, together with questions about indoctrination.]

Well, being left to their own devices leaves those predisposed to following orders vulnerable to manipulation. When charismatic strangers offer a solid, clear direction on how to live life it can be incredibly tempting to afford them a chance. To me, it sounds like those people suffered an exceptionally cruel fate. I imagine Hydra offered them a world in which they could communicate and befriend people without life being a struggle.

[He knows a cult when he sees it.]

[communish]

Yeah, I think it did. Everybody knows what Hydra is, and what they've done. But somehow, every time they get a new leader, they manage to convince some people they're the kinder, gentler authoritarian-subversive terrorist organization bent on world domination. This time, they'll make the world a better place.

I guess that's fascism for you. Convincing people there's a "former glory" they can rebuild if they just murder enough people who aren't part of the fascist vision board. Lot of that going around these days.

I don't know. For a while, I had a side job helping people who wanted to leave get out. But it's hard to keep faith when a lot of them ended up going back or getting killed because they weren't ready to really cut ties.

[ And there was the one Bucky fucked up by accidentally killing that kid's dad. A long story he doesn't want to get into, but certainly one of his more significant recent regrets. ]

[restingstitchface]

[There is a short pause. Not for Crane to analyse, consider and configure his argument, but to let the mood settle. It is sometimes more appropriate not to speak than to talk.

But he does talk after one short moment. His words are the opposite of long-winded, wielded with precision. He builds them with compassion and no judgment of the man this person must be - or have been. He mirrors the words he heard and slightly changes them to his own.]

Sometimes it's hard to keep grieving.

[There we go.]

[communish]

[ Bucky takes a deep breath as he considers this.

There's a part of him that badly wants to help everyone he meets who's going through something like what he went through. That wishes he had Steve or Sam's faith in people and seemingly endless resolve. That feels like a complete ass for bowing out.

But he just keeps losing.

Maybe most people don't want to change. Or maybe they can't. He couldn't help Kobik. He sure as shit couldn't help RJ. Which is no surprise, given the shit job he's done with himself.

Half the time, trying only seems to make things worse. Maybe some of the people he got out would still be alive if he'd left them in. He's always just cutting one head off a problem while two new ones grown in its place. (He could have sworn there's a word for those things.)

Fuck. ]

You said you're doing sessions here?

[restingstitchface]

I am. Once I establish myself with a space in the Horizon at least. Should take no time at all, really.

[Keep it simple. Keep it sweet. Less is more or so they say, right?]

[communish]

Maybe we could figure something out. Meeting up.

Might be useful, if I ever get to go back to that kind of work. Since you're a professional and all.

[ It's a flimsy veneer, but it still feels safer somehow. If he doesn't say it outright, he hasn't committed. He can still change his mind if he decides his remaining emotional baggage is structural. ]

[restingstitchface]

Of course. Do you want me to contact you once I have established myself? Or would you prefer some other means of communication>

[communish]

Why don't you tell me when you've got a place, and I'll reach out if I have a question before then?

Barracks doesn't seem like a good place for a private conversation.

[restingstitchface]

Sounds perfect. Only, I should advise that I am anything but a procrastinator. You might well hear from me in a matter of days. Is that a problem for you?

[communish]

Not if you don't mind that I am a procrastinator.

[restingstitchface]

No problem. You're hardly the first to suffer that little vice.