To: Everyone; From: Anonymous

[endcaller]

[At first Fandaniel wasn't sure what to make of the text that sometimes swam into his vision. Since his arrival he's learned about the supposed connection the Summoned have to the Singularity and has decided that this strange way of communicating must be based on this connection.

He isn't sure what exactly this system is or how it works but he decides to test it anyway. What scientist could resist?

His message to the other Summoned is meant entirely to test this communication method and satisfy his curiosity. He is not just trying to entertain himself at someone else's expense, surely not...

The following bits of text are in excessively flowery cursive that appears every few minutes over the course of more than an hour. The disjointedness is meant to be purposefully irritating.

With focus, he disguises his identity, making himself anonymous.]

Nobody every listens to me.

Nobody ever notices me.

Everywhere I go I am ignored.

It is hardly fair.

I am, after all, the greatest story teller among my people. Did you know that? Of course not.

Here is a story.

This is the story of an enchanted kingdom, ruled by a wise and powerful emperor.

He commanded a vast empire and the most powerful military in the world but do you know what he valued most?

No, not coin, not land, but flowers. He acquired flowers from every conquered nation and brought them back to his gardens.

But there was one flower he did not have. It was a Reekblossom, a blossoming weed that smelled of sewage but was highly valuable due to its rarity.

It thrived only on a mountain in the one bit of land this emperor did not command. The nation that held the mountain could not match his military might but did have itself surrounded by a magical barrier maintained by the power of its tutelary deities.

How could he pierce it? Of course you know the answer... he could not.

So he conquered the entire rest of the world and then what did he do? Did he sit in satisfaction upon his throne?

No, that was not his nature.

That flower still haunted him. Finally, he decided he would turn his army upon the barrier.

For a thousand years his weapons pummeled the shield, then, at last, they pierced it!

His army invaded the land, and he was finally able to obtain the Reekblossom.

Overjoyed to have the last flower he needed for his garden, the emperor returned to his palace and planted it in the--

Hey!

You're ignoring me, aren't you?

Every time.

Comments

also sent to everyone

[princessvegas]

[ The following response shows up once, in extremely large, bold letters. She immediately turns off her messages after sending this, but she's pretty sure she speaks for literally everyone else who's seeing these stupid texts. ]

HEY.

SHUT THE FUCK UP, ASSHOLE.

also also to everyone

[righteously]

Too long, didn't read, don't care, get a hobby

ERR'YBODY

[fourarmedandangerous]

Stop. All of you. I am trying to drink in peace.

samesies

[cryptsleeper]

Consider that this may be the hobby.

[righteously]

Maybe this dude should start a poetry club or something, rather than

You know

Forcing all that crap in our eye sockets

No offense buddy, but it ain't exactly Vonnegut

[cryptsleeper]

Classifying this as poetry seems very generous, although I am not sure what the correct genre would be.

There is also the rare wisdom of just writing it down and keeping it to oneself.

also to everyone

[itookashot]

Seconded. What in the world was that.

you saw nothing

[chosenfordarkness]

this emperor sounds like kind of a wimp. 'i can conquer everything, but i'm thwarted by a stinky flower.'

i saw nothing!

[itookashot]

Wasn't thwarted by the flower, was thwarted by the magical mountain shield. To be fair, I think the story is a cautionary tale about how people want what they can't have and destroy everything thinking it'll make them happy, but it won't because the callous of spirit aren't capable of being happy.

Just guessing. Can you imagine working for him though? What a prick.

[a_better_man]

Did you MEAN to send this to everyone? Because I promise we all did not need to read that.

[itookashot]

But the Reekblossoms! Everyone needs to know about them!

[a_better_man]

Sounds like something mankind is better off NOT knowing about!

Though I do fear we may have ended up privy to someone's private thoughts.

Can that happen?

[itookashot]

No, mate, they said 'you're ignoring me' so I assume they wanted us to notice. Bit sad, honestly, how bored must you be.

[techmaturgy]

[this is very funny but also maybe he feels a little bad about how thoroughly this guy is getting dunked on. so.]

Was it worth it?

anonymous

[endcaller]

I worry my tale failed to amuse the unwashed masses.

[techmaturgy]

Was it meant to amuse? It seemed more cautionary, to me. Then again, you didn't finish. Maybe everything worked out for him in the end.

anonymous

[endcaller]

A story about the dangers of covetousness. Something like that.

There is a punchline within it somewhere...

private; fandaniel

[bravers]

[See, this is a tough one. Because. Yeah. He kind of gets the first couple of lines. ...Or at least some part of him does. Underneath everything else. It feels, vaguely, like a string being pulled to something that... is important.

Somehow.
His interest is piqued, and he doesn't know why.

But then the mention of stories...
Yeah, no.
And then the story happens, and while what seems like all the letters in the world is flashing in front of his vision...]


You wanna not be ignored, try not filling the comms system full of crap.

anonymous; private

[endcaller]

You think my artistry is crap?

I'm terribly offended!

[bravers]

[At being offended:]

Yeah, take a number.

[And to clarify, because he might actually mean to help: why?]

What I'm trying to say is maybe you get ignored 'cause of stuff like that. It's not like anyone's gonna listen to all of that. Let alone take the time to read it.

anonymous; private

[endcaller]

Ah, the misbegotten attention span of youth.

Really, is a bit of reading so terrible?

totally sent to everyone

[frontlinetitties]

Do you know what would have made this story better? Some bangin' babes. Babes who lost their clothes in some kind of tragic, flower-related accident. That would get people's attention.

anonymous

[endcaller]

...While I am sure a story about freezing, bruised infants would indeed garner attention, it seems a bit overly cruel to tell such a tale to a wide audience, don't you think?

[Most of the slang may have passed straight over his head.]

[frontlinetitties]

What the fuck? That got dark real fast.

I'm talking about hot women. You know, adult women who have no business being that hot and all their clothes just kinda fall off in some kind of freak accident. But maybe it is freezing and so they decide to get down and dirty in the flowers. You know. To warm up.

Or I guess it could be hot guys if that's more your thing.

anonymous

[endcaller]

Ah! My apologies, with this form of communication it can be so hard to tell what a person is truly saying, hmm? So much is lost without tone to go by.

A bawdy tale would also garner attention but the Reekblossom is no such tale. If you wish to hear about naked beauties in a garden of flowers I am sure the local tavern will satisfy?