ᴛʜᴇ ʀɪɢʜᴛᴇᴏᴜs ᴍᴀɴ ( ᴊᴇɴɴɪғᴇʀ ᴀɴᴋʟᴇs ) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
righteously) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
abraxasnet2023-08-07 05:32 pm
righteously) wrote in abraxasnet2023-08-07 05:32 pm
to all;
Most of you long-timers know this already, so this is more a PSA for the folks we've gotten over the last few months that might not be aware yet.
My name's Dean. Me and Jo run a dive bar in the Horizon called the Roadhouse. It's wide open to any summoned that feels like swinging in. If you like decent imaginary beer or playing imaginary pool, you're welcome any time. If neither of us are behind the bar, it's self-serve.
Also, don't touch the jukebox or I'll kill you.
The main clientele we cater to is hunters, so we've got a board where people can leave a heads-up about anything monster-y you happen to run across out there in whatever faction you're holed up in. If you're looking for tips on a job, odds are you'll find somebody seasoned here to hook you up.
If you're a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed up-and-comer looking for a career change, look somewhere else. This ain't a recruitment ad.
( ooc: this is your helpful periodic reminder that The Roadhouse is wide open for anyone to use as a setting for their threads, if you're looking for a Horizon-neutral domain to use as an excuse for two characters to meet, or you need a neat backdrop with a dartboard, feel free to make use of it! The Jo player and I are also totally cool with handwaving Dean and Jo serving anyone that looks over the age of 18. Hit me on plurk at![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
paingravy for any questions! )
My name's Dean. Me and Jo run a dive bar in the Horizon called the Roadhouse. It's wide open to any summoned that feels like swinging in. If you like decent imaginary beer or playing imaginary pool, you're welcome any time. If neither of us are behind the bar, it's self-serve.
Also, don't touch the jukebox or I'll kill you.
The main clientele we cater to is hunters, so we've got a board where people can leave a heads-up about anything monster-y you happen to run across out there in whatever faction you're holed up in. If you're looking for tips on a job, odds are you'll find somebody seasoned here to hook you up.
If you're a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed up-and-comer looking for a career change, look somewhere else. This ain't a recruitment ad.
( ooc: this is your helpful periodic reminder that The Roadhouse is wide open for anyone to use as a setting for their threads, if you're looking for a Horizon-neutral domain to use as an excuse for two characters to meet, or you need a neat backdrop with a dartboard, feel free to make use of it! The Jo player and I are also totally cool with handwaving Dean and Jo serving anyone that looks over the age of 18. Hit me on plurk at
private;
I get it
But I'm not a demon, okay
I was for a little while, but there's a cure
It's over
I'm just a guy
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I wasn't possessed. I was turned.
There's a cure. It works on any demon.
At least, any demon from my world. I don't know how well it translates across universes.
If you don't believe me, ask Geralt. He's the one that cured me.
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You got him on speed dial or something?
That son of a bitch usually takes two to four business weeks to answer a message
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Look, I'm not saying it, but clearly I'm his favorite. Also because he fucked up and forgot to tell me your ass came back to life. I was gung-ho on helping him kill you, like, weeks ago.
Guess he... did a good job...?
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Well, I appreciate that
I mean it
If the whole cure thing hadn't panned out, I'd have been all for the assisted merking, but we're all good here
If you want the steps for that cure, I can send 'em your way. Not sure how much good it'll do, but hey, you never know
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Can't say a guy's ever thanked me for threatening to kill him.
You know what? Fuck it. Yeah, I'd love to hear 'em. Looking back, my people weren't real interested in curing anything. I say if it works, then it works. I'd rather not have to off anyone else for having bad luck.
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But yes. Weird old fuck alert, got it in one. )
First time for everything.
So, here's what you're gonna wanna do
Trap the demon, lock it down. Preferably in a Devil's Trap, but you do you booboo.
You're gonna need purified human blood. Either do a purification ritual, or go through the whole catholic repentance of sins deal, whichever makes you feel frisky. Or, well, the opposite of frisky. Purity. You get the point.
Once an hour, on the hour, you're gonna inject a syringe full of that purified blood directly into the demon. 8 hours total.
After the 8th injection, recite a variation of the exorcism verse.
"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus
Hanc animam redintegra
Lustra
Lustra"
Bob's your uncle, demon cured
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Nero reads over this with an expression that absolutely is just "what the fuck?" 'Cause, seriously. Look at that. What the fuck? Look, he asked, but he was thinking like "one hail Mary and three fistfuls of holy water," not whatever this is.
Rituals? The only ritual he does is showering before he brushes his teeth.]
So I buy a really solid bear trap, dunk a human in holy water, steal their blood and pump it into a demon, while babysitting it for eight straight hours?
[And Geralt did this for him? Huh.]
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Oh, yeah. Can't forget the Latin chanting.
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[Sorry not sorry, but it is.]
What the hell is a devil's trap?
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Seriously?
I thought you were like a demon hunter guy
Do they not have those in your world?
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We kill them. Pretty simple.
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Maybe exorcise 'em if the host body's still alive?
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Exorcism isn't a thing where I'm from. Once someone's possessed, they're gone. That's what was church doctrine, at least.
[And he leaves it there, for a second. That's the way it's supposed to be. But could the Order have known a way? To save them? Suddenly, he's not so sure. All his research into their papers didn't indicate they knew a way; the only thing that had mattered was the Ascension ceremony. Human to demon. Not the other way around.
Whatever. He doesn't owe the Order anything, and it's not why he pauses. But, hell, he's never gotten to talk shop with anyone but Dante, and they do the same damn thing. Just kill. That's all they've ever bothered with.]
The people I worked for, they had a guardian deity. Their followers were zealots to the core, so the belief was they'd be protected from demons, as good little worshippers. The church couldn't exactly have it known people can get possessed, no matter what god they believe in.
[Nero doesn't elaborate on the implication. The possessed were killed because no believer in Sparda could know there was nothing protecting them. That the power the Church tried to wield was mostly bullshit.] Not much need for interrogation at that point.
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( It's all that comes through at first — only because it takes him a second to process it, to figure out how to say what he wants to say. )
I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like some pretty standard fare religious hypocrisy bullshit, and it ain't ever fun being on the bad end of that stick. Hate that you got shafted by those douchebags. Nobody deserves that. Screw them.
Has anybody ever TRIED exorcism where you're from? Or do they just tell you it doesn't work and go on with their day?
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It's fucking weird.
He doesn't hate it. It's sort of just... there. Hanging awkwardly, like a lingering fart. It's all in the past for Nero, even if Fortuna still has plenty of Sparda worshippers hanging around. People who attribute the demons he kills to their Savior. Guess, in a way, they're right. Sparda's ass still hangs around in his blood, apparently.]
If they did, they sure as shit didn't tell some low-level knight like me. I was just the one they sent in to take care of the possessed.
[The implication of what he had to do to take care of them is pretty obvious.]
Besides, they were too busy all tryin' to turn themselves into demons and take over the world, anyway.
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If I had a nickel, you know?
( He'd have at least three nickels, which isn't a lot, but still. )
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