to: everyone

[righteously]

testing 1 2 3
can you hear me now?
good

I'm looking for somebody who knows how to handle a sword
preferably somebody better than the mooks in the training yard
for teaching purposes, just to be clear, not mercenary work
I'll pay if I gotta, money or favors

alternatively, anyone who knows how to get a friggin gun
doesn't seem like they're just handing those out at the barracks
six-shooter, lever-action, doesn't matter, I'll take whatever I can get my hands on

Comments

[privatizes]

[ oh, interesting. the brain texting is a bit weird, but the sparkling text message is helpful. ]

Really looking to fit in with the locals, huh?
Can't imagine why they're not handing out guns to new people who get dragged out of a lake naked, but who am I to judge the customs.

[ incidentally, it's signed tony stark. ]

[righteously]

Hey, if they've seen my rifle & 2 shells, I figure they owe me one back

Hilarious alias, nerd.

( hypocrisy, thy name is king nerd. )

[privatizes]

[ he has not had enough coffee to deal with this shit, but you know what? he's bored, and pauses in his battery creation experiment to . . . troll a nobody on the medieval version of the internet. ]

Oh, sorry. My bad.
'Iron Man' was taken.
You can call me Anthony if you want to feel more formal or whatever.

Why do you need a gun?
Just out of curiosity.
The Dungeons & Dragons hideaway where I'm trapped seems pretty peaceful and farm-y.
Not much of a need for warfare here.

[righteously]

Yeah, okay, and I'm Captain America. Seriously, pal, what's your name?

Kind of a career thing
Hunting monsters is easier from 30 feet away, even if I figure out how to embrace my inner Dread Pirate Roberts. Hand to hand combat with a chaigon is one of the classic blunders, next to getting into a land war in asia.

[privatizes]

Joke is on you if you think Steve Rogers would figure out how to send a telepathic text message without asking me how to do it first.

And that is my real name.
Tony Stark. Iron Man.
Part of the Avengers, etc., etc.
Saved the universe once or twice.

But that definitely sounds more fake than killing monsters and spouting antiquated pop culture references, so I'll give you a pass on being clueless. Maybe try asking Inigo Montoya for a lead on a sword, I hear he knows a thing or two.

[righteously]

Shut up
You're screwing with me
You expect me to believe that actual, honest to god Iron Man got sucked into Medieval Times?
There's no friggin way
Prove it

[privatizes]

Yeah, the thing is, I don’t have to prove anything to a whining pissant on Queen Victoria’s version of AIM.

But I’ll humor you.

Did you sign your own messages, or did this bizarre magical network automatically do it for you, Dean Winchester?

Your handwriting sucks, by the way.

[righteously]

Holy crap
HOLY CRAP
Dude
You're freakin Iron Man
That's awesome
This is awesome
You're awesome
Seriously, like 10 times cooler than Cap, "I could do this all day" yeah yeah we know shut up already and shoot some rockets or something
No friggin way
This is the coolest thing that's ever happened in the history of
ever

Also, screw you, eat a bag of dicks

[privatizes]

[ ah, there it is. though tony has to admit, the reaction makes him feel a bit weird. it's been a long time since someone has reacted to him like this. though, he supposes the world as he knows it has dramatically shifted. he's spent five years out of the spotlight, by choice.

the line about steve does make him grin a little, though. ]

Right back at you, buddy.

As much as I enjoy being worshiped, I do have some items to check off my to-do list when it comes to your gun hoarding.
I'm guessing you're in the Free Cities? (You said barracks.)
Sam Wilson might be able to help you out with what you need.

He's not one of the cool Avengers, though, so be prepared to argue.

[righteously]

Hold up
Sam's an avenger? He wasn't in the movie.

[privatizes]

[ christ, there are movies, now? trust the mighty hand of capitalism to profit off of anything, including their own messy lives. ]

Yeah, he's an Avenger.
I'm sure he'd love to hash out the messy backstory as to how he became an Avenger, but you might want to stick to just asking him about guns.

[righteously]

Let me ask you something
You were like a solid 20% less of a dick in the flicks
Maybe 15%
What's the deal? They just get that super wrong, or did the fiefdom crawl up your ass and die?

[privatizes]

Super bad day at work before I got dragged here without my permission.
But I think anyone who knows me would say the attitude problem is pretty par for the course.

[ though it is a little odd, thinking about himself in a movie. not really? documentaries and whatnot have been made about the stark family already, he's been on every news program that he can think of . . . privacy isn't really a thing, when you're tony stark. but something grates at him, thinking about someone else telling his story.

though, if pepper were in charge, maybe she would make him look better than he actually is. which is sort of a nice thought. ]

You should also never meet your heroes.
That's rule # 1 in superhero school.

[ ask peter parker, ok. ]

[righteously]

Fair enough. Can't say it was a different story for me

( Also you'd think he'd have learned by now on that meeting your heros thing. Dr. Sexy didn't exactly go much better.

Damn it. )

Question 2: how close are you to building a badass medieval version of the suit with like jousting lasers and a knight helmet, fueled on magic and unicorn taints and hipster steampunk dreams?

OR CARS
For the love of all that is holy, tell me you're working on cars

[privatizes]

[ good god. it takes tony a minute to sort through that, his brain automatically crafting what that suit would look like. worse than the mark one, that was for sure. and that one barely got tony out of the situation he was in alive. ]

Yeah, hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the place where I'm at doesn't even have electricity.
I'm building a hydro-powered generator, right now.
Battery storage and wiring is next.

Not sure I can manage a combustion engine with the tools I have here, but I hear horseback riding is therapeutic.

[righteously]

Jesus, Mr. Sabbath, can you stop destroying my hopes and dreams for like five and a half minutes?

Theraputic my ass. These horses are murdering my saddle bags.