to: everyone

[righteously]

testing 1 2 3
can you hear me now?
good

I'm looking for somebody who knows how to handle a sword
preferably somebody better than the mooks in the training yard
for teaching purposes, just to be clear, not mercenary work
I'll pay if I gotta, money or favors

alternatively, anyone who knows how to get a friggin gun
doesn't seem like they're just handing those out at the barracks
six-shooter, lever-action, doesn't matter, I'll take whatever I can get my hands on

Comments

[righteously]

What the fresh hell
Are you SERIOUS?
Jesus Christ, lady, your world blows
I mean it, that's some I Am Legend crap, except worse because Will Smith probably kicked it
Holy crap, bet you're stoked to be here, huh?

[princessvegas]

[ Yes, thank you, guy, for pointing out this brand new information. Her world is shitty, she and the others are well aware of it. It was shitty before the superflu, it was shittier afterward, and it was shittiest when she was exploded by a ball of lightning that floated down from the heavens. ]

It ain't exactly my first choice of worlds. I didn't like renaissance fairs before, and I'm not real big on living this way forever, but it's not like I could go back even if I wanted to. Besides, the only other people left back home now fucking SUCK.

[righteously]

( Yep, sorry, this is who he is as a person. Tactless a solid 87% of the time. )

I'm picturing like a Mad Max post-apocalyptic everyone's in it for themselves making armor out of trash can lids situation. Is that close?

[princessvegas]

Not exactly. It ain't like it stopped raining or whatever, it didn't change every single thing that already existed. No trash can armor, but there was a gas shortage for sure. But yeah, everyone in it for themselves, mostly. Once you got to the cities, it was a little different, more like a real society.

But you had to get to 'em before that could happen. I walked about a thousand miles.

[righteously]

Why is it always with the gas shortages at the end of days

So would you say you were making your way downtown, walking fast?

( Is making a Vanessa Carlton joke too unsympathetic? Man, he really needs to de-purgatory his empathy levels. )

[princessvegas]

Gas shortages happened before Trips too. But after, there was no one to bring the oil from wherever. Who do you think was left to drill or sail tankers?

[ It's incredibly unsympathetic, but Julie is not a very sympathetic person either. She's also extremely pop culture aware. ]

That's what you go with? Coulda asked if I was the girl who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door. Da-da-da-da.

[righteously]

Touche, you got me there, Milla Jovovich

Excuse me for keeping the proclaimers at five hundred miles, I like to stick with the song titles for authenticity. I don't have to justify my choices to you.

Seriously, sorry about your planet, though. That's a crap deal.

[princessvegas]

We're talking though brain iChat. I don't know that authenticity is exactly important anymore.

Yeah, well. I figure pretty much all worlds are shitty, from what everyone says. Once you get past the whole end-of-civilization thing, it wasn't that bad. Last few months before I got here were the best of my whole life.

[righteously]

Some things have to stay sacred, alright. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

I don't know whether to congratulate you or apologize again. Apogulations. Believe it or not, I can kinda relate.

[princessvegas]

The line can't be drawn around anything from White Chicks. Didn't know that needed to be a rule, but it is now.

Most of the time, I'm not real sure myself. It's a lot easier to just not think about it.

What, you had a crappy life that somehow got better because the apocalypse hit, too?

[righteously]

Yeah, fair enough.

Not exactly. No, we managed to dodge the apocalypse by the skin of our teeth back home. It's more of a

purgatory thing

[princessvegas]

Purgatory? Like where dead Catholic babies go?

[ Guess who was raised Midwestern Evangelical and doesn't understand that doctrine? ]

[righteously]

That's horrifyingly specific, but no, no babies. More like dead monsters.

[princessvegas]

Why would there be monsters in purgatory? I always heard it was for babies that died before they got baptized, but only Catholic ones. Otherwise it's just... Heaven and Hell.

[ There is a pause, but before he can explain, another message follows. ]

Actually, I guess I can see it. Way I figure is, monsters ain't sinning, they're just... doing what monsters do. Like animals, it's just their nature. But they can't repent neither. So purgatory actually makes sense. Babies are probably kept in a different part, though.

[righteously]

You ever consider maybe talking to a therapist about your dead baby fixation? If not, just a little something to think about.

Been to heaven and hell, too, and let me tell you, none of that crap works like they sell you in the pamphlets.

[princessvegas]

I don't have a dead baby fixation. That's what purgatory is for. Talk to the fucking Catholics about it. Ask Nadine Cross. Nuns raised her, she knows.

There's no point in Heaven and Hell if it's not good and bad. Why would God wanna spend all his time surrounded by assholes like Hitler and Reagan?

[righteously]

My best friend's an angel, trust me, I don't have to ask anybody. We lived it.

As far as God's concerned, sister, you're happier not knowing

[princessvegas]

Sounds more like you lived through a bad trip.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I had a run-in with God. I ain't a fan.

[righteously]

He's here, ask him yourself if you don't believe me.

Oh yeah? How'd that go.

[princessvegas]

I ain't heard anyone mention seeing a big old ball of eyeballs or wings.

It went bad. Real fucking bad.

[ Like being directly smote. ]

[righteously]

He's in a vessel. The full frontal burns your eyes out.

You feel like sharing?
No pressure.
For what it's worth, my experience? God's a total dick.

[princessvegas]

And what's he doing dicking around with humans instead of singing holy, holy, holy?

It's a long story. There was a witch and a king and a war, and let's just say that God is playing some real favorites up there.

[righteously]

He defected. Heaven's full of douchebags, the angels suck. They were team apocalypse.

Sounds a little worse than what he did in my world. Guy basically flipped both sides the bird, told us we were on our own in the middle of a holy war, and went on vacation. Guess he's a dick any way you slice it.

[princessvegas]

So what, the Devil's the good guy? I mean, I do remember thinking that the story of the fall was some heavy-handed bullshit on God's part, but I ain't a parent, so who am I to judge?

I think I'm just realizing how fucking weird it is that I learned all this in Sunday School.

Yeah, he definitely picked a side in our case.

[righteously]

Oh, hell no. The devil's an even bigger dick than God. Dude's the saltiest angel of the whole cobra squad. King douche.

Sunday school's the propoganda tourist version.