to: everyone

[righteously]

testing 1 2 3
can you hear me now?
good

I'm looking for somebody who knows how to handle a sword
preferably somebody better than the mooks in the training yard
for teaching purposes, just to be clear, not mercenary work
I'll pay if I gotta, money or favors

alternatively, anyone who knows how to get a friggin gun
doesn't seem like they're just handing those out at the barracks
six-shooter, lever-action, doesn't matter, I'll take whatever I can get my hands on

Comments

[princessvegas]

Purgatory? Like where dead Catholic babies go?

[ Guess who was raised Midwestern Evangelical and doesn't understand that doctrine? ]

[righteously]

That's horrifyingly specific, but no, no babies. More like dead monsters.

[princessvegas]

Why would there be monsters in purgatory? I always heard it was for babies that died before they got baptized, but only Catholic ones. Otherwise it's just... Heaven and Hell.

[ There is a pause, but before he can explain, another message follows. ]

Actually, I guess I can see it. Way I figure is, monsters ain't sinning, they're just... doing what monsters do. Like animals, it's just their nature. But they can't repent neither. So purgatory actually makes sense. Babies are probably kept in a different part, though.

[righteously]

You ever consider maybe talking to a therapist about your dead baby fixation? If not, just a little something to think about.

Been to heaven and hell, too, and let me tell you, none of that crap works like they sell you in the pamphlets.

[princessvegas]

I don't have a dead baby fixation. That's what purgatory is for. Talk to the fucking Catholics about it. Ask Nadine Cross. Nuns raised her, she knows.

There's no point in Heaven and Hell if it's not good and bad. Why would God wanna spend all his time surrounded by assholes like Hitler and Reagan?

[righteously]

My best friend's an angel, trust me, I don't have to ask anybody. We lived it.

As far as God's concerned, sister, you're happier not knowing

[princessvegas]

Sounds more like you lived through a bad trip.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I had a run-in with God. I ain't a fan.

[righteously]

He's here, ask him yourself if you don't believe me.

Oh yeah? How'd that go.

[princessvegas]

I ain't heard anyone mention seeing a big old ball of eyeballs or wings.

It went bad. Real fucking bad.

[ Like being directly smote. ]

[righteously]

He's in a vessel. The full frontal burns your eyes out.

You feel like sharing?
No pressure.
For what it's worth, my experience? God's a total dick.

[princessvegas]

And what's he doing dicking around with humans instead of singing holy, holy, holy?

It's a long story. There was a witch and a king and a war, and let's just say that God is playing some real favorites up there.

[righteously]

He defected. Heaven's full of douchebags, the angels suck. They were team apocalypse.

Sounds a little worse than what he did in my world. Guy basically flipped both sides the bird, told us we were on our own in the middle of a holy war, and went on vacation. Guess he's a dick any way you slice it.

[princessvegas]

So what, the Devil's the good guy? I mean, I do remember thinking that the story of the fall was some heavy-handed bullshit on God's part, but I ain't a parent, so who am I to judge?

I think I'm just realizing how fucking weird it is that I learned all this in Sunday School.

Yeah, he definitely picked a side in our case.

[righteously]

Oh, hell no. The devil's an even bigger dick than God. Dude's the saltiest angel of the whole cobra squad. King douche.

Sunday school's the propoganda tourist version.

[princessvegas]

I don't know that I blame him for being salty. He's still the Devil, so whatever, but he might have a point.

Anyway, if they both suck, then what are humans supposed to do?

[righteously]

Guy wants to roast the planet and eat the purgatory babies. Don't give him any credit.

We managed to stop it. It's kind of a long story. A really, really long story.

[princessvegas]

It's kind of like that joke about Hitler being a hero for killing Hitler. Just on a cosmic scale.

Sounds like it. After everything I've seen, might've just been better to let it happen.

[righteously]

That's
freakin hilarious, actually. Two points to you.

Some days, sister... some days...

[princessvegas]

I'll put 'em on the scoreboard.

My name is Julie.

[righteously]

Dean
Nice to meet you, even if the circumstances suck balls

[princessvegas]

You'll get used to it faster than you think. And at least you got here after they stopped throwing folks in the dungeon. That was fucking drag.

If you're in the Horizon, follow the bass until you see pink neon. Doors are only closed when I'm out.

[righteously]

I heard about that. Glad I missed it. They sure as hell wouldn't have let me out on good behavior.

Is your brain heaven a freakin strip club?
That's not a judgment thing, I'm a big fan of the industry

Anyway, right back at you. Look for a little dive bar across from a scrap yard, called the Roadhouse.

[princessvegas]

Whole thing was fucking weird, and it only got weirder when we broke out.

Not a strip club. Well, I dunno yet, I was thinking of doing theme nights, mix it up when I get bored. But no. Just a nightclub.

[righteously]

Well whenever you get around to doing burlesque, give me a call

Weirder how?

[princessvegas]

Are you kiddin'? Do you know how hard it is to control these fake Horizon people at that level? I did it for Halloween, drained me so bad that I slept through actual zombies.

These two mages showed up, opened portals to Solvunn and the Free Cities, then skipped town. They told us that Thorne wants to control the Singularity, Free Cities wants to hates magic and wants destroy it, and Solvunn wants to leave it alone. Those guys literally froze time to set us free. No clue who they were. Anyway, people scattered all over after that, but we didn't know much about what we were choosin'. Imagine someone makes you pick a city to live in and all the info they bothered to give was what the most popular politician said about one thing.

Maybe that's how they get people to live in Topeka.