Seeking advice

[blackeyedprince]

I understand that this is a bit sudden, but...

If you were looking for a writer's pseudonym, what would you consider a good fit?

Just nothing sounding like a nickname for a mercenary or gang member, please.

- Kell

Comments

[princessvegas]

How is that something you can be HALFWAY into? Seems pretty all or nothing.

Back atcha, Ripper.

[earthborn]

Well, I've got this alien boyfriend, but it's pretty much my first time dating outside the species.

[Unless you count one-off encounters with Asari. Which Shepard doesn't particularly care to; the more she could forget about the experience, the better.]

Hey, Ripper's a classic! What kind of pet gets stuck with "Daisy"?

[princessvegas]

Well you can't say things like that without spilling the tea. What kinda alien? Little green man style? Does he have a dick or just like a tentacle? Oh, or is it that thing where you have to touch braids and that's sex?

Daisy was a dog! A little black one.

[earthborn]

...Walked right into that. Fair enough.

He's a Turian. About seven feet tall, face somewhere between a bird, a dinosaur, and cricket— surprisingly good kisser for a guy with no lips. No comment on the equipment on a public channel, but I have no complaints about my sex life. There's something to be said for a guy who responds to a booty call by immediately committing to extensive research on how to best please your human.

More importantly.

How little? Like a pug, or a poodle, or something?

[princessvegas]

I have no idea what a Turian is, but you're not painting the prettiest picture of the poor guy. No judgment, just maybe don't use the word "cricket" to describe your boyfriend's face. So aliens are like, compatible? With human parts?

I don't come from a place where we have real aliens. Well, maybe we do. There's like, billions of planets. But we never met 'em. Furthest my people ever got was Mars, and that was empty. Anyway, all I know about aliens comes from movies and shit.

She was maybe like, forty pounds. Just a mutt, with legs that were kinda stubby.

[earthborn]

Well my people had a colony with like six cities and millions of inhabitants before they discovered the secret to FTL drives there, so... give it time.

And trust me, cricket is apt enough. He's got these uh... mandible things, on the sides? I don't know what they're for. I stopped thinking of it as weird a long time ago; Garrus and me go way back.

[princessvegas]

No, I can say with certainty that my world's people ain't EVER gonna colonize Mars or anything else.

But don't the pincers dig in? Like, on your face, okay sure, but... I'm like the Sahara just imagining anything else.

[earthborn]

Well you're never gonna get laid in space with that attitude. You gotta toughen up. Can't have the hot spaceman if you can't handle a little bit of the spikey monster stuff.

Besides, and I say this with complete respect, but the man is a dork. Once you get to know him, he's about as intimidating as teddy bear.

[princessvegas]

Actually, I think all the space people I've met here in Abraxas have all been humans. Like, way more than you'd think, to be coming from space.

[earthborn]

Eh, this place has a bias. Either they get to pick and choose who they want to get when they pull somebody in here, or the Singularity doesn't care for non-humans, but... where I'm from, the human species is the minority, by a long margin.

In any case, it doesn't make sense that they only pull humans, or so many humans, just by chance. So that is what it is.

Sucks for anybody who's got the wrong-shaped legs to sit in human chairs, though. Not to name names.

[princessvegas]

I mean, there's a fucking sharkman over in Solvunn, so I don't know about how picky they really are. Sharkman is great, btw. Really good people.

[earthborn]

ONE nice Sharkman, one Turian, and maybe one other non-human I know of, out of how many? Over two years time? Come on.

Be realistic; numbers don't lie.

[princessvegas]

No, that ain't all of them. There's been a bunch of vampires, a werewolf, elves in Thorne, whatever Goro was. I'm pretty sure I once saw a deer walking around in clothes like a person.

Not everyone who looks human actually is human.

[ Ripper here isn't the only one in a relationship with someone different. And that's to say nothing of Flagg. ]

[earthborn]

I already mentioned Goro, but yeah, alright, that's a fair point— but look, if you were reaching down into a well, fishing around for something you deemed acceptable... Would you be able to tell the difference at a glance? I'll accept that that's a good argument for the trend not being the Singularity's fault.

Tell me you at least see my point here. Even taking all that into account, there's still a pretty damn strong human majority. More than makes sense, if it were random.

[princessvegas]

I'll be real honest. If I were looking to bring some other being to my world as a hero or a warrior or whatever the fuck we're supposed to be, I'm probably gonna pick one that's more like me than not. Even if I want them to have special powers or something, I'm starting at human and working from there.

Also, like I said, almost all the space people I ever met here have been human. Humans who never even heard of Earth. So it seems like plenty of other worlds are just lousy with humans.

But we know it ain't random. Or at least it wasn't when they brought me here. They claimed they knew who I was. So they're bringing specific people, just not telling us the reason.

[ Except, of course, their claim that Julie specifically was a "mistake", along with a handful of others from the dungeons who remain. ]

[earthborn]

And that's what most people call bias.

But they honestly hadn't even heard about the homeworld? Seriously? Well, I'll say this: Abraxas doesn't stop being weird.

[Shepard can't say that the thought doesn't cross her mind: Who's this "we" you're talking about? but she doesn't say it Information preservation and outreach doesn't seem to be anybody's specific job, which means that it's nobody's job. Tragedy of the damn commons.

Speaking of which— wait, what had this originally been about, anyways? Oh shit, this guy and his name issue.]

So, have you had to go incognito a lot, or is the porn name thing just a fun time for you?

[princessvegas]

I don't think it is THEIR homeworld. Who are we do say where humanity HAS to come from? For plenty of these people, there may not BE an Earth.

I think it's more nature than bias. Lions don't hang out with grizzlies. Besides, why would I wanna summon someone that I don't know if I can communicate with? That I might not be able to feed? If your world is built by and for humans, that's who it makes sense to look for.

[ Julie honestly doesn't know how they choose the Summoned. Maybe the aliens aren't doing anything worth summoning them for. She has no idea. ]

Frankly, I just sorta thought everyone knew about the porn name formula. It's just like, basic social knowledge in America. A joke.

[earthborn]

Look, you're not an animal, you're a person; what's acceptable behavior for lions doesn't apply once you start building cities and wearing clothes. But speaking just from personal experience, I really don't think anyone running the summonings cares about whether or not they pull through someone who can eat the food here, or speak the language.

[Those first couple of weeks had been pretty fucking harrowing. But then, if Julie really wants to keep defending the attitudes and actions of their kidnappers as being acceptable, maybe there's no point in arguing. Hell, maybe she knew something about Marlo and the rest of those leeches that Shepard didn't; Julie'd sure as hel been around longer.]

I guess it spread to space from there, then, or at least as far as Arcturus. You're American, then?

[princessvegas]

People are animals, apex predators. And we show it real quick when shit gets bad. Food, maybe they don't give a shit about, but you're nuts if you don't think they're worried about communication. Especially in Cadens, where they seem to mostly look for the big, strong types. You think they want a Goro they can't talk to? Goro's most redeeming quality was that he could speak instead of JUST using his strength. I'm just saying, they're more calculated about all of this than you think.

[ When creatures of any kind get confused, they get angry and often violent. Julie can imagine nothing more confusing than being unable to communicate in any way with captors of an entirely different species of being. Drawing humans, or races close to human, is an element of control that the factions are capable of exerting over this grand experiment of theirs. Julie doesn't condone any of it, but she understands parts of it.

Also, this kind of strikes her as some sort of weird, self-hating racism against humans. Does Shepherd want aliens around just for the sake of less humans? For some twisted sense of diversity? It's a fucking weird thing to get a metaphorical wedgie about. ]

Sure am. Vegas by way of Kansas.

[earthborn]

So what was that like? I grew up on Earth, but I never got to travel much. Sounds like you at least got to see a bit, before leaving.

[princessvegas]

Not really. I lived in the same bumfuck town in the middle of nowhere Kansas for almost my whole life. Then some shit went down and I walked all the way to Vegas. So I only really saw Kansas and Vegas. I did see the Grand Canyon on my way there, though. That was cool.